People like myself with certain recreational habits are said to be part of the cannabis subculture. It is, by necessity, a somewhat tightlly knit group, bound together by the rejection of polite society. In every culture and subculture, there is an understood code of conduct, a decorum, which must be adhered to in order to maintain good standing within one’s circle…and smoking circles are no different. A smoking circle, also known as a “session”, a “rotation”, a “potluck”, a “cypher” and a “smokeout”, among countless regional variants, is the scene for a communal cannabis ingestion.
Ideally, it should involve a small group of friendly people gathering together with pooled materials and a common goal…blazing. Within this group, as long as the proper decorum is followed, there are good times to be had by all involved. However, it has become increasingly apparent to me that this ettiquette is either poorly understood, undefined, unheard of by many those it governs. Other than the titular rule, which even nonsmokers are familiar with, I see many cardinal rules of cypher conduct wontonly flouted on a daily basis. For that reason, I bring you “Puff, Puff, Give: a Field Guide to Smoker Decorum.”
I- Puff, Puff, Give
There’s a reason this one is first…it’s one of the most fundamental rules in all of smokerdom. It refers to the number of pulls permitted on a rolled smokable before one must pass the cannabis conduit to his right (or to his left on the other side of the equator). Failure to follow this rule is referred to as “Hoovering”, is regarded as an egregious faux pas, and can result in ejection from the circle or even permanent blackballing from all circles. An interesting note here is that the purchaser of the weed may take as many consecutive puffs as he desires if he also owns the medium used to ingest it, however, this clause is rarely invoked due to it being seen as anti-social and kind of a dick move.
II- Passing Motions
One of the most underfollowed rules of smokerdom involves the making of clear passing motions. You see, an inherent effect of heavy cannabis use like the kind common in smoking circles is temporarily decreased motor skills (or more likely, the temporarily decreased inclination to use them). This leads to, among other laziness, weak passing motions. These often go unnoticed by the recipient, and can leave a smokable in limbo between smokers for as long as 2 minutes, wasting valuable weed in the process. Therefore, all passing motions should be clear in intent to the point of being demonstrative if necessary, and also be accompanied by a verbal alert to minimize wasted smoke. Passes should go without incident, but in some areas, in the event one or the other drops the conduit, he forfeits one turn with it.
III- Smoke OR Talk
Never both. Narration and postulation while high are very involved processes which involve intense cerebration and mental resources as well as the use of one’s mouth. This, in most cases, leaves a smokable hanging in the balance, evaporating into thin air as the holder of it pontificates on something important, like the best flavor of Doritos. While it may be pertinent, someone else could be smoking while the speaker is speaking…so they should. Esteemed weed philosopher Smokey from Friday summed it up thusly: “Either be smoking, or be passing.”
IV- Ash before you Pass
Every smoker who has smoked over zero times has dropped ash on his or her clothing. We’ve all seen that long clump of what I imagine snow looks like in hell precariously dangling off the end of a lit item, waiting to fall on something. It somehow stains any color fabric, and can even contain embers that can burn cloth or skin. Ash is a natural byproduct of combustion, and smoking a blunt falls into that category…ash is there, and there’s nothing you can do about it…well, besides keep it in an ashtray. Ashtrays, properly used, minimize the risk of ash-related difficulties inherent to blazing…as such, they should be utilized at every available opportunity. A good way to remember this important step in the smoking process is to ash the smokable before you pass it to someone else.
V- Match Up
Whenever possible, one should bring a fair share of weed with them to any smokeout. This weed should be both of adequate amount and potency that no party involved should experience a decline in their quality of smoking based on the fact that they decided to invite someone else. It is understood in the smoker community that it may not always be attainable due to it’s murky legal status and wildly varying potency, however an effort should always be made to do so. If you absolutely cannot obtain any, but have the funds to do so if you could, a small donation to your friend is seen as classy.
VI- Bring Something
As said before, it’s not the end of the world if you can’t find anything to match up with. If it indeed becomes impossible to show up with your share of the good stuff, there are other materials required during the course of a session that you may be able to provide. Examples of these include dutches, papers, wraps (referred to collectively as “wrapping papers“), pipe screens for those who use bowls, bongs and the like, food for the munchies, cigarettes for those who use them to accentuate their high, or even just decent conversation. Showing up empty handed every time is a great way not to be invited to show up any more.
VII- Repay all Free Smokeouts
Commonly, smokers encounter situations when they do not have weed and a friend does. This may even go on for an extended period. In close company, this is usually seen as immaterial, but is always met with the expectation that the favor will be returned if the roles are reversed. It is seen as grave disrespect to smoke up a friend’s stash, yet be nowhere to be found when you get yours. It is the responsiblity of the repayer to notify the repayee of his ability to repay as his earliest convenience. Failure to follow this guideline will result in you burning bridges instead of bud. Seriously, don’t be that guy.
Well, that’s about all I got…hopefully, after reading this guide, the people that have use for this information will not only put it to good use, but spread it for the benefit of the cannabis subculture as a whole. Now, if you’ll excuse me…I’ve gotta go do some more research…for umf, I’m AJ. Thank you and good flight…
In Honor of Jack Layton- Top Ten Greatest Mustaches
Jack Layton (July 18, 1950 - August 22, 2011)
For those of you South of the Border (and I mean America not Mexico, because if your in Canada, which I am- America is South of the border…trippy I know) August 22, was probably just another day-and the news was filled with reports on Libya or more likely coverage of the 2012 presidential race (because. really whats another revolution in an Arab nation compared to the G.O.P’s inability to find a suitable candidate?) However, that is the day that Jack Layton, head of the NDP, lost his battle with cancer. I have spent the last 3 days trying to think of a suitable way to honor this man, and still maintain the humor of this blog. Thankfully George Strombolopolous, despite his impossible to spell name, and twitter saved me with the “Trustache” campaign.
George Rocks a Trustache
As Do I
For More information on George’s Trustache campaign click on George’s Picture!
And now in honor of Jack Layton- My List of Top Ten Greatest Mustaches!
Jack Layton, a true “man of the people”, lead the NDP for 8 years with unprecedented success! He was known for his integrity and optimism, and in his last few days of life, Canada and its citizens were still a top priority. He wrote a beautiful letter to Canadians as his final goodbye. He will be missed, but he and his glorious mustache will be immortalized! Thank you Jack.
TWO- THE MAGNUM
Tom Selleck’s mustache first shot to fame in Magnum P.I. and the world was never the same. The Magnum made way for all other mustaches, no longer were they just for dandies, hippies, and angry army generals, now they were SEXY! Thank you Tom, for a world without The Magnum is one I simply don’t wish to imagine.
Aptly named for it’s originator, Pubert Adams, this is a favorite of hipsters everywhere. But Pubert Adams rocked it from the womb-before it was cool. The thin clean line of this stache, embodies the eternal struggle of the hipster male: How do you combine, prepubescent clothing, a false sense of being “the new man”, and utter arrogance with your facial hair? Pubert Adams has given us the answer-and for that we thank him (with a toast of our luke-warm PBR of course).
FOUR- THE FRANCO HATER
Speaking of Hipsters, another one of their icons, Salvador Dali, also had an epic stache. *NOTE* It came down between Salvador Dali and Che Guevara, but seeing has how you are probably wearing Che’s face on a t-shirt, I thought I’d go with Dali. Nothing says “I’m going to push the boundaries of accepted art, sexual practices, and celebrity” more than THE FRANCO HATER. He proved to be literally too cool for spain (I’m pretty sure that is the exact wording Franco used) and he rose to meteoric fame as one of the leaders of The Surrealist Art movement. Though he is best known as that guy who made the painting of clocks that you hung up in your dorm room to help you seduce art majors. Whenever I throw cats up in the air, I think of THE FRANCO HATER.
The Mario Bros that is! Mario and Luigi have been rocking their epic testament to sibling stachery since 1983. Anyone who rocks the Brostache gets an immediate 1-up. With this stache and a like-stached wingman you’ll be batting away women like they are koopas. On a serious note though folks, this stache has become a symbol of the Italian-Bros-Against-Jersey-Shore (IBAJS) movement. So rock your stache with pride…just don’t fist bump while wearing one.
This mustache comes Jesus Approved-or at least I can only assume that everyone’s famous pious neighbour got a little help from the man upstairs in growing this holiest of staches.
Holy Moustache Batman! This moustache has the power to fight evil, and if you hold up a flashlight to it, it sends out the bat signal!
EIGHT-MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
He had a dream and a glorious moustache to boot!
Freak Out! The moustache, the square soul patch-do I love this look? I yappa zappa do!
Ambrose Everett Burnside
I think this stache speaks for itself, and frankly if American politicians today had the cojones to rock this everyday, I’m pretty sure health care, our economy, and our multiple international “scuffles” would all be solved!
I have recently come to the conclusion that we should all be very concerned for a safety. Very concerned. Machines they are getting smarter, they are getting ready to take over, and they are laughing the entire way.
Thanks For the Jinx guys!
Now I don’t want to be like that crazy guy who is constantly predicting the end of the world. But I have long believed that an apocalypse would be the end of the human race, and that it would be of either the machine or zombie variety. I had been holding out hope that it would be the later. If for no other reason imagine being able to decapitate your worst enemy, and it be viewed as an act of bravery. Over the last few weeks I had been holding on to my resolve that the zombie apocalypse was coming, because I was deeply deeply in denial about the irrefutable fact that the take over of the machines had already begun.
You Were Just A Pipe-Dream Zombie Apocalypse
It all began with our cell phones. They are cute little innocent-looking devices, but within them lies all the makings of pure evil. PURE UNADULTERATED EVIL! See most cell phones are equipped with the “Auto Correct” function. I always thought that this was cell phone companies trying to make our lives easier, the same way that our word processors have it. But then “Auto Correct” turned to the predict function and now…okay I’m getting ahead of myself.
I am Kelsey’s Phone-I will EAT HER SOUL
Auto-correct used to just correct what you meant, but I have recently noticed that my phone was actively judging me when it corrected me. I sometimes misspell things for comedic effect. For example if I ever accidentally misspell something really stupid I’ll make a self-deprecating quip like “I be edamacated.” And my self-righteous phone changed it to educated. And then I changed it back. And then IT changed it back. All of a sudden I’m in this epic battle of wills with MY CELL PHONE.
“ITS EDUCATED YOU TWAT!”
Then it got worse. It started mocking me. I went to text someone “muah” the other day and my phone responded by changing it to “mush.” My initial response was something along the lines of “Well excuse you, my bitter cynical cell phone, I don’t care if it’s mushy I meant MUAH!” The minute the thought hit me though I realized how true it was (the thought about my phone, not me being mushy). I wasn’t personifying my cell phone as a way to be witty, my phone was beginning to think for itself.
“Your Emotions are Gross Human”
Then it became aggressive. In response to a very sweet text I attempted to type “awwww!” My phone was having none of it. I had barely finished pressing the “w” before it changed the word to “Assess!” It even capitalized my insult, which is mighty presumptuous. Again me and my phone were entwined in an epic battle- I finally trumped it by adding a 5th “w.” My victory would be short lived I knew. My phone was planning something, and I was a little worried I may have just made it angry.
“I’ll Get You My Pretty-and Your 5th ‘W’ Too!”
Then today, this very morning my phone decided to offer its first clue to what the machines were planning. When typing the caption “I’m a Pirate, arrrr!!!!” to a pic of me by a wall of skulls. My phone changed “arrrr” to “TATER.” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Was it an insult? Does my phone think I looked like a potato in my dress, or maybe I looked particularly Irish? Or maybe, just maybe it’s an acronym!
TATER= Totally Annihilate The Entire Race?
= Total Annihilation of Trendy Readers?
I don’t know what TATER means, maybe the machines that package frozen tater-tots are secretly poisoning us, I just know that we need to be prepared. Stay on the look-out. I don’t know what form the machine take-over is going to take, but keep your eyes out for any cylons, terminators, transformers, or any other such indication that the end is near.
"If you only knew the power of the Tech-Side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father"
Someone needs to explain this to me. I am utterly baffled as to why ad. execs thought that this is what the world needed.
To start with, walking into my joe-job to see a full page advertisement (that’s right it was so shocking that I need to distance myself from the situation by using the proper term as opposed to the slang, it made me that uncomfortable) with Fabio’s face on it is just confusing. Was it suddenly the 80s? Did I walk through a worm whole on my way to work? Was the T.A.R.D.I.S. parked in the elevator, and I just didn’t realize it? Or maybe that car that zoomed passed me callously almost killing me was actually the Delorean and I just got bumped back a few decades? But no it was 2011. So not only was I subjected to Fabio staring up at me but now I had to deal with the true and legitimate disappointment that comes when you realize that despite logic you have in fact, not travelled back in time.
No Kelsey, you don't get to travel all of Time and Space with me. You get to stay in an office and stare at Fabio!
So there I am in the most profound WTF!? moment of my life (well my week, okay, just my day but STILL) wondering why Fabio, FABIO, FABI-FUCKING-O is being used to sell products! I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DID IT IN THE 80S BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHY THEY DID ANYTHING IN THE 80S WE KINDA JUST ACCEPT THAT IT HAPPENED! (In case readers were wondering my age you now know that I am young enough to have zero nostalgia attached to the decade where madonna had pylon breasts and there was a Bush who knew that you need to chew before you swallow as president). Back to Fabio trying to sell people shit-Why? He looks like Cronus! Thats a greek God who ate his own babies- but here by this novel he’ll rip off your bodice then eat your spawn!
Ladies Look At Your Man. Now Look At Me. Now Back To Your Man. Now Back To Me. I'm Eating Your Child.
Clearly his appeal to women baffles me. I mean I like a strong man, but I prefer one who couldn’t ground my bones into dust, probably by accident. One second there’s a fly on my shoulder, the next I’ve been reduced to millions of tiny particles (and those particles are pissed because they used to be a person till Fabio had to try and save me from that damn fly). But here’s the kicker- they aren’t trying to sell my gender anything, they are trying to use Fabio, a man known for muscles, long sensuous flowing locks of hair, and once head-butting a bird on a roller coaster, to try and sell men things!
Now I’m assuming that the big-wigs at Old Spice are being funny, satirical even, taking a man who represents a sort-of male ideal (again he looks like he eats babies but whatever!) as the follow up to the “I’m on a horse guy” (who I imagine is quite pissed about this new campaign strategy) and they are trying to sell deodorant by saying that if you smell like this guy girls will like you, because clearly if you rub old spice all-over your sweaty pits you will instantly grow Repunzel hair and Schwarzenegger muscles and suddenly a baby will appear in your arms. The same way I get transformed into Kate Moss when I use the correct mascara. This all leads me to my original why. WHY do the Old Spice people think girls desire the love child of Barbie and The Hulk!
If they were talking about THIS Hulk, then yeah I would get it!
All this said, I am keenly aware that their marketing strategy is working, because this blog post is essentially free advertising for them (you’re welcome Old Spice!). Also, I personally do use Old Spice deodorant. *TANGENT ALERT* Why do I wear men’s deodorant? Well girls deodorants tend to be scented- I want to smell like my perfume, or my shampoo, and don’t really want another scent competing with it. Also Men’s deodorants are designed with the idea that men sweat, while women’s deodorants seem to be designed with the idea that I’ll buy your product if you put it in a pretty plastic container (that only works on lipsticks). Also when I sweat, I mean glisten (you know because girls don’t sweat), I am going to go from smelling like baby powder to smelling like moist baby powder- which might confuse Fabio to the point where he eats me instead of an infant!
That's Not a Baby! That's a Woman in Baby-Powder Scented Deodorant! CURSES!!!
Any way to surmise:
1.) This AD confuses me enough to write a blog post about it- that sorta turned into another AD.
2.) You should all go buy Old Spice Deodorant. (Now its definitely an AD)
3.) The fact that I wrote this at all, means the fat-cats at Old Spice knew what they were doing
4.) Old Spice should probably pay me for this post/toss a few free products my way! Mainly because I like money and free things!
Also in case you thought me comparing Fabio to a Greek God- Here’s him holding a baby lamb. You know like the Greeks used to sacrifice to the Greek Gods (totally Divinci Coded this ad compaign-take that Tom Hanks!)
The chick flick, you will get dragged to one, and you will be expected to like it, so how do you survive it? Well as a woman who HATES, HATES, HATES most chick flicks but is not strong enough to endure the shunning that accompanies the comment “not The Notebook, that movie is AWFUL” I have learned how to survive this dreaded social custom, and I will let you in on my secrets.
STEP ONE: AVOIDANCE
There are some movies that many people perceive to be “chick flicks” but actually aren’t, or if they are they are actually quite good. For example, most romantic comedies made during the 1940s-60s are quite funny. Here are my three top “lets watch this instead” movies, and why I love them.
This is my all-time favorite movie of all time. When I get married/common-lawed/knocked-up “As Time Goes By” will be the song that my hubby/legally recognized roomie/baby daddy and I will dance to. Why the movie is great? Its a timeless romance film that is actually a war story. In fact there are 30 minutes of guns, gambling, and war-speak before Ingrid Bergman ever gets on screen. Also for the guy you get to stare at Ingrid Bergman who is just gorgeous, and women we get to stare at Humphrey Bogart. Also whether or not you have seen the movie before you can probably quote most of it-which will make you seem super cultured. “This is the start of a beautiful friendship.” “Round up the usual suspects.” “We will always have Paris” “You will regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday and for the rest of your life” “of all the gin joints in all the world, she had to walk into mine” How can you not love this shit?
2. ANNIE HALL
Or really any 70s era Woody Allen film. Why? They are funny. Outright funny. Thats sorta all I have to say, but if she needs convincing (if she does I have to ask, who is this woman and is she worth it? I mean really!) just point out that Annie Hall was a fashion ICON. It’s like watching the Devil Wears Prada (which is actually a really enjoyable movie, though I would never ask a boy to agree with me on that) without having to sit through The Devil Wears Prada. Also what is funnier than watching a lobster take its revenge on amateur cooks?
3. 500 DAYS OF SUMMER
This movie is just *sigh**swoon* so…*sigh**swoon* good! I really shouldn’t have to convince you to sit through it because I have yet to meet a guy who doesn’t like this movie, I have also yet to meet a girl who doesn’t like this movie, so really you should have been able to think of this on your own.
STEP TWO: THE COMIC BEST FRIEND
If avoidance doesn’t work, like if the movie she wants to see is playing in theatres and you can’t think of a suitable alternative to entice her with, you can at least rely on the fact that these sorts of movies are formulaic which means they all have one saving grace: The Comic Best Friend. Usually the scenes that involve this character if not outright funny, are legitimately enjoyable. So enjoy the scenes that involve this angel of cinematic mercy. Then when you have to sit through all the poorly-written sappy crap you can just think back to a few minutes ago. Example. The main couple are arguing and its supposed to be funny because he’s the stereotype of the “clueless man” and she’s the stereotype of the “crazy-over emotional woman” but its really just insulting to both genders. Instead of watching that just remember the last scene. The thought process will probably go like this: “UGH! Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson are back on screen, but boy wasn’t John Krasinski funny, he is really talented, remember that episode of the office when…oh look he’s back on screen I will now watch the movie again.” TADAA your sanity is saved!
STEP THREE: THE ONLY THING MORE ROMANTIC THAN THAT MOVIE IS THIS SENTENCE
That's Me Falling Head over Heels, Bc You Said This!
Imdb.com and rottentomatoes.com will be your best friends. Why you ask. Plot synopsis my friends plot synopsis. You can find the flaw before you see the movie, and then you can use it as an excuse. But be careful this step is only for the smoothest of operators, because you don’t want to accidentally insult her taste. That will not only end in you having to sit through said movie, but you’d also probably have to spend the next 2-3 days doing things to make it up to her. But if you can pull it off, you will be a GOD. I will use the new Kate Hudson film “Something Borrowed” as an example. I know this works because when I used this line my friend who “really wanted to see it” now refuses to. The synopsis reads as such:
Friendships are tested and secrets come to the surface when terminally single Rachel falls for Dex, her best friend Darcy’s fiancé.
Why won’t I go see it-for the same reason I won’t sit through the goddamn Notebook (I really HATE that fucking film). ahem “I don’t like movies that romanticize cheating. It’s never okay, and I don’t want to sit through a 90 minute justification of something that would kill me if someone ever did it to me.” This will work. It makes you much more romantic than the movie, and you will now get to choose the film.
*SIDEBAR* I once had a very smug co-worker think she had trumped me during one of my rants about the Notebook when she said “but doesn’t Casablanca romanticize cheating?” Which if you are on a date with this girl, and used Step 1 of my survival guide might be a question you have to respond to. The answer is “No. Because Ilsa thought her husband was dead, when she found out he was alive she left Rick to return to him, and when in a moment of weakness she returns to Rick he does the right thing and puts her back on the plane. So no it does not.”
That's Me Kicking My Smug Co-Workers Ass With Logic and Truth
Move over Andy Warhol. Meet Joshua Williams – a NYC based pop artist creating blazing images of the world’s biggest hip-hop stars and names in entertainment. I had the opportunity to visit one of his show’s in the Lower East Side earlier in the year and was very impressed to say the least.
Highlights from the show can be seen here:
To see more from Josh and to keep on top of his latest work, visit: Technodrome1.tumblr.com
You’re thinking the same thing as me after that commercial, right? Who cares about the aspirin, lets see that hand held X-Ray machine at work. That doctor holds up what looks like a clear ipad to the patient’s shoulder, and seems to get a clear image of the healing power of Bayer aspirin. But why are they advertising aspirin when they could be making far more money on those X-Ray Pads (copyright on the product name pending). Sell them to hospitals for quick, easy check ups, to coachs to see instant results of player injuries, and pervy high schoolers to look into girls’ locker rooms. It’s a win – win – win, and Bayer would make a lot more money than if they just sold aspirin. I know you are as shocked as me when you see this technology wasted in the background of a thirty second commercial. Once the Bayer X-Ray Pad is available – probably in a sharper image or skymall — I’m there.
Hello awesome epicsun.com readers! This is my inaugural post, (You can tell because I’m using words like inaugural as opposed to first. Have I impressed you yet?) and as the first female writer (yay estrogen!? Nope, just me…okay) I have spent a lot of time thinking of what I could offer the male readership. The tits and ass that women in media usually provide is sorta useless in blog form, though I’d bet 20 bucks that this sentence has made you think of both tits and ass and for that, you are welcome. Okay enough gendered humor and on to my first post “How To Fake it Like a Woman” and no I don’t mean an orgasm-but the other skills woman have carefully cultivated: how too look classy, cultured, and elegant, without actually having to be so.
If I learned anything when my mothers famous “secret family-recipe” brownies turned out to be Ghiradelli’s boxed brownie mix (which I highly recommend by the way) its that you don’t need to be a good cook, or even an experienced one to be perceived as such. Which takes us to a fool-proof date that will make any woman swoon: cooking for her (candy is dandy, liquor is quicker, but cooking is less morally questionable).That being said its less impressive if a fire is started and a pizza has to be ordered. So here is a fantastic little secret I use whenever I’m trying to remind a guy that not only am I hot as hell but I can bake better than his grandma: www.smittenkitchen.com
Deb Perelman is the brain child behind this brilliant blog where she does all the leg work for you. So yes she posts recipes and pictures, but she also tells you where the recipes lied and what they actually mean. Anyone who cooks with any regularity will probably have stumbled upon 1 or 12 recipes where they switch from “everyman” language to “iron chef” language without any warning and suddenly you are covered in flour and egg whites, which is confusing because you were trying to grill a steak. Well Deb debunks those recipes. Also looking or something specific? All her recipes are categorized- I’ve gone ahead and provided links to my favorite recipes, that if nothing else would have me eating out of the palm of your hand (and therefore whatever young lass you are trying to woo because all woman are the same!…Not actually but if she is thinking she might like you this would be a major PLUS).
This is a recipe to make your own crackers! CRACKERS! Super simple: flour, water and salt, then you can use a store-bought dip! She’s going to walk away thinking that you pay attention to details, which is important for a woman. I don’t know why, but I think Disney told me I was supposed to care about that sort of thing, so now I sorta do.
This is a recipe for Tequila Lime Chicken. Why do I recommend it? Let me repeat what its called- TEQUILA lime CHICKEN! That should really be enough said. Also if the crackers are the appetizer then I figured this would be a nice main course that was in a similar vein as the crackers. But in case you missed my point its TEQUILA lime CHICKEN!
What to make for dessert? Well not to play on stereotypes, but using myself as an example CHOCOLATE, the correct answer is always CHOCOLATE. Unless you are dating a vegan/lactose-intolerant woman in which case you run out to the nearest vegan store and get vegan chocolate. She will be yours (*WARNING* If you are not thinking of a serious future with said vegan/lactose-intolerant lass and you do go out and buy her vegan chocolate and then don’t call her you are a super ass-hole. Don’t mess with a woman and her chocolate.) Anyway this recipe is probably not the best with our Tex-Mex theme, in fact don’t serve these with the Tequila Chicken. But they are delicious and manly. They are (drum roll please):
CHOCOLATE WHISKY AND BEER CUPCAKES!
If the girl you are wooing can’t shoot whisky and doesn’t like beer (if either or both of those are true I question your taste in women by the way) she will definitely like these. And if your friends are making fun of you for baking you can tell them to shove it, because there was whisky and beer involved, and you got laid (which again, if you make these, you will).
Take a little lesson in lounging from the professionals: our friends in the Mediterranean. Hentsche man Espadrilles are laid back but they still manage to keep a classy edge to them. These things are so perfect for beach side cooling, that if you put one up to your ear, I swear you can hear the ocean. Rope soles and canvas uppers deliver old school charm that is hard to top anywhere else.
I would highly recommend that when you first don these little numbers that you arm yourself with a stick, because that is what you’re going to need to beat the admirers off of you.