Listen here, son. If you aren’t spending your time listening to Bon Iver music, I don’t know what the fuck your problem is. For really real, G. It’s like having your homeboy say exactly what everyone wants to laugh at you about.
If you don’t listen to Bon Iver, you might enjoy the minstrel accoutrements of the Fleet Foxes. Those dudes go HAM, although I hear there might be problems with the drummer or some shit. You never get that with The Legendary Roots, but, hey! The Beatles had problems too, so at least I’m not recommending you listen to them, right?
However! Right now, I’m riding on a recommendation of my homeboy right now, and I have that new Jai Paul joint on blaaaast. You’d be surprised. I feel like by the year 2026 we might have a full compilation of that man’s incredible musical stylings, but until then, it’s sort of like Good Fridays, which seem to be on fire once again, except Good Summers. Very, very dope. Click the chick!
When electric music started coming out, I was never feeling it, and house music sucks, unless immediately followed by Hugh Laurie saying hilarious stuff, but right now, it’s a really good trend in music slowly emerging. When you get tracks like Monster ft Hov and Nicki Minaj and Officer Ricky, and Bon Iver, or Dreams Money Can Buy, sampling Jai Paul’s BTSTU, you can see where computer generated sounds can meet real vocals and instrumentation. It’s a thin line, but it’s a growing one. You could see Prince playing the purple Prince guitar on this Jasmine track, and sexy YeAngels dancing all crazy and slow motion. That’s not to say it’s Hip-Hop music, but my ear definitely don’t hate it! Shit ain’t Skrillex, that’s what I’m saying! This here is true electrofunk! This here is music you can kick back to a little bit and just vibe the fuck out (or, if you’re like me, you can also get up and groove like dust in a windstorm).
Thanks, Jai Paul!
Monday, April 16, 2012 · Dovi Henry · 1 Comment
Hip-Hop is not dead. Slow people, please put your Nas CDs down. Now pick your Nas CD filled CD players up. Radio Raheem. Once, Hip-Hop fell down some stairs and was dead. How I know? Nasir taught me. Now, she is back in full muthafuckin’ effect, beating up the parents all over the house. Kiss you teeth real loud one time if you feel me, right in front of whoever yo momma has over for company. Rappers are back living large, dancing dumb, and saying that type of shit ain’t nobody sensible saying, hoe. Don’t tell grandma I said that, snitch. You know who told me all this, though? Rappers did! These folks, as of, like OFWGKTA, Chiddy Bang, Kendrick, Wiz and a whole lot of other arrogant mugs making music that I can *ahem* fuck with; as a young dude. That ‘frankly, I just don’t give much of a fuck, and we’re dope’ attitude. Even if I don’t end up listening to everyone, I’m still pretty happy about the state of rap music of late. Maybe I’ma still mainly bump that navy blue diamond, UGK and other old folk. James Brown. If ever I’m really in that trippin, wildin’, frontin, spazzing, N.E.R.D English type of a mood, one of those 32 joints in a row type of mood, you know Wiz and the Hippies is coming up on the dial. Same with Ye, same with Busta, but I’m saying: this is the right now. I don’t listen to tons of different rappers, but I’m trying to hear what’s hot, and that man Meek Mill is out here doing something. 2 Chainz is hella impressive and K.R.I.T. best drop some hotness, now! Some more hotness that is. Go Miami Heat, also, in completely unrelated shit. Good game, last game, or whatever…
The G.O.OG. family is expected to deliver that summer time ultra party, sweaty rag steezy eventually (I’m not sure if it will have a particularly party vibe, but I think MERCY bangs, I don’t care about what anyone has to say about it! Swerve.) Maybe that strange Childish Gambino fellow might drop another F-Bomb from one time out in band camp. Maybe a Hip-hop producer will give Lupe a call. LOL, flippant lazer…
Maybe, just maybe Drizzy Drake Drakard will… rap! Hopefully Kid Cudi will, and Kid Cudi will too. Sounds good, right? Well fuck that. Where’s Jay at? The T.O. maybe? Nahhhhhhh
See, these days, there’s a really nice cascade in the hall of rappers- you know, the dudes that decided to cut class, the guys who got kicked out, the guy who stepped out for a piss, the guys who stepped out for a chat with the principal, that fool with the hall pass, and the annoying ass girls that follow everybody around and shyt… Sounds Fab, right? Much love to all those who graduated.
Get it? If not, you need to ride around a little more, smoking too pox.
Gettin’ it? Two? Pox?
(come here, baby. Yea. Yea take that. TakethatandgetmesomesugarcookiesbeforeyouneedanotherbandaiWoah. I like your watch, bro!)
” Jay Electronica is the most profoundly entertaining of all rappers, bar none. Every next rap sounds like the new deepest shit a rapper ever said, some real ghetto Kahlil Gibran type stuff. If Hip-Hop, academia, and pseudomagic/conspiracy theories are what you’re into, google the noir. He’s cold dope. There’s a big difference between raps that are just millions of punchlines, and raps that all punch you in the stomach and catch you tripping. Dude is both, I be like “word? Dude said that? And that? And that?? Cowabunga!” Jay Electronica is the Master Splinter of rap. That sounds crazy, right? Well, money is grimy as fuck, and he gets on all sorts of next beats.
The Eternal Sunshine is legitimately one of the nicest pieces anyone has put out into the Hip-Hop world in quite some time. I even went and downloaded the Jim Carrey movie. I even went and rewatched Liar,Liar (okay, that’s not true. Hah!) Jazzmatazz is doper than any rap song you listened to today. Unless you’ve heard a Jay Elect track today, in which case I know we feel the same way on this one. Shiny Suit Theory is a true clash of the titans in this bitch, and the dudes are on the same team! “
I be meditating on Act 2: Will it make my dreads explode?
They call me Jay Electronica
Call me Jay ElecHannukah
Muhammad Asalaamica RasoulAllah
Supana Watallah through your monitor
My Uzi still Weighs A Ton check the barometer
I am a big lover of pie. I have been known to refer to pie over 9 million times in a single sitting. Lately, I’ve had a hankering for a slice of sweet blueberry pie with maybe a little cream. When I was younger, I realized that the only reasonable way for me to keep my roving sweet tooth in check would be to learn to bake my cakes and cookies and pies myself. Besides learning the value of an oz, I discovered a valuable truth: baking not only leads to delicious food, it’s somehow relaxing to wait while the oven does its thing, knowing that my creation would soon be prepared. Not to mention the sexiness of golden crust.
Apple pie is my favourite, so around Thanksgiving I tend to make a lot of those. The smell of cinnamon, chopped apples and Coltrane is an indelible combination. 45 minutes of light work pays off in the form of a warm apple pie.
At Thanksgiving time, it’s nice to smell dessert baking, warm and sweet. Regardless of the day, it’s good to be thankful for what we have in order to continue to accurately move forward.
Update: I much prefer it when a female friend bakes for me. It turns out that whole baking with ‘love’ is no BS. Plus that just makes waiting a whole lot easier.
Me and my ninjas drink booze- 40s of gin. We smoke (cigarettes or some shit. Maybe Cubanos.) We insult our girlfriends, sisters, daughters, female friends that we don’t see during week hours, and that sexy-ass librarian. Dibs. Word, I learned the Dewy Decimal system just to get on my knees and pray for that ass. Wallahi.
But that ain’t it! Folks straight get on records and diss, even when there’s no one else on that record! Common attacked fools on The Game, and Game blasted sons with LAX Files. Takeover is just cruel. Rap is atrocious. Songs like The Light and Song For Assata are just… soulful. Cee Lo is on one of those. Next time I run up in a club solo just to mack shorties with boys, I want Guerrilla Monsoon Rap to sound off. Twice. That shit is soulful and painful.
Rap is loving. Straight up, niggas sit and feel the trill and them words. Fuck a quotation, I might just drop some common knowledge: in the hood, love we’re told to run from. From lack of love, many hide, some run funny. Everybody loves someone, I love that joint Shades.
I love it every time he get out, and I’ll remember that day I spent fighting to remember his name. I love when we got robbed I was ashamed but not afraid; asking for help needs to be practiced every day. Who you asking?
You’ll notice: Gangsters don’t make music in gangs.
Fact: Christian Dior Denim Flow is piles of nuts. Shit would have impacted the block when I was 15. Paul Martin would have called in the bomb squad just to spite my little black face. The Bluesfest would have been like “Nice.” My mom would have brought army boots into fashion. That shit is fucked up. You heard Banks? John Legend is on that shit! Yes! With Kudi! Ugh. Shit moves like a Jaguar commercial. Drive Slow ain’t got nothing on that denim. Augh! I don’t even know the lyrics. I swear. I always forget Kanye’s Friday verses, so I go back and be like “Jones’ Small.”
I think that’s what love is…
Straight Up: What Chew Chipping?
Munchies like a mug of butter!!!!!
Fellow black people. Mes noirs.
It is time to be strong. The ills of many sick days beleager us yet, but we are what we are, especially when we are. Indeed, Hip-Hop is our baby; however, in the coming and present times, we must be happy to share: Any Tom, Dick, or Hare Krishna can drop those nasty extra non-virgin flows, my income. It’s no longer a race thing at all; even bitches seem to like to bark. My question is a simple one; it is this: Is you ‘hood enough, player? Cuz I got plenty too’s cous.
Some niggas just can’t handle the truth, so we pop ‘em in the mouth. That’s word to common men.
Friday, September 9, 2011 · Kelsey Goldberg · No Comments
The verdict is in. John Galliano was fined $8,421 USD ($6,000 euro) for being drunkenly mean to the jews. Actually that’s a little trite, he got fined for making horribly offensive anti-semitic comments. And that got me thinking, there are a lot of famous people who say really stupidly mean things that target one group of people. In other words their “nanny-nanny-poo-poo” behavior from when they were three developed into “HOLY RACIST BATMAN!” Here is my list of the most racist famous people-and my sentence for their meanness.
Don't Expect a Line of Dior Yamakas Anytime Soon
John Galliano- He hurled anti-Semitic slurs at a couple while in a bar in Paris. And was fined a lot of money-but here’s the thing folks…is that enough. Sure he lost his position at Dior and has suffered tremendous backlash from the fashion industry-but what bout the crimes he committed while at Dior? What crimes you ask? Making tremendously yummy clothes and shoes that I a poor working actor CAN NOT AFFORD. For that crime against not rich people (and we are a really BIG group Mr. Galliano) I sentence him to give 3 skirts, 12 dresses, 2 pants, 42 shoes, 8 blouses to me in symbolic damages. Pay up Galliano.
So This Is Fine But Blackface Is Just Sooooo Offensive!?
Mel Gibson- He “owns Malibu” much to the chagrin of sergeant “sugar tits” and also doesn’t like the Jews all that much (why do famous people hate on the Jews all the time…seriously why ya gotta hate?). So how to sentence this man, its difficult. Like Galliano he is immensely talented, but unlike Galliano he is racist AND sexist. I thereby sentence Gibson to give me Malibu and the 106 min of my life that I wasted on Signs.
Son I Think It's Time We Had The Talk...Girls Come In 'Different' Colors...
Dog The Bounty Hunter- He couldn’t have been all that racist all the time, because his son thought that it was a good idea to date a black woman. Seems reasonable to me. Well Dog Sr. was heard dropping the “n” bomb a lot while telling his son to dump her (please note I do not know if her being black was a factor in why he wanted his son to dump the girl). I’m sorry unless you are a black rapper IT IS NOT OKAY TO USE THE ‘N’ WORD! Why? BECAUSE ITS RACIST!!!!!!! So Mr. Bounty Hunter I sentence you to $1 million that must be collected by yourself. That’s right, you will spend all eternity chasing your own tail!
You Talking To Me...YOU TALKING TO ME ***** ****** ****** ****!!!!
Michael Richards- Okay if you haven’t seen this rant at this point you live under a rock. But just in case here’s a quick summery: Michael Richards was bombing doing stand up, got heckled (which really is just a hazard of the trade-granted an unpleasant one), and then decided to carpet bomb the club with ‘N’ bombs. Alright Mr. Richards-time to pay the pied piper. I sentence you to…nothing. I feel like being you everyday is probably punishment enough!
I'm Sorry Were Expecting PC From Little Old ME? WELL FUCK YOU TOO!
Sarah Silverman- So Miss Silverman got in a lot of hot water after using a racial slur in a joke on the Connan O’Brian show. What slur did she use…hmmm…how do I put this gracefully? If you were going fight a knight, you would want to aim for the _blank_ in the Armor. If you didn’t get it then I sentence you to do more mad libs. But its a word thats mean to Chinese people. Here’s the thing though folks, the point of the joke was anti-racist. So whats your sentence Silverman. Its a reverse one, I actually award you for being a.) the ONLY female on this list (represent represent) b.) being the only racist who isn’ actually racist! So what do you win? BEN AFFLECK AND MATT DAMON! You’re welcome!
People like myself with certain recreational habits are said to be part of the cannabis subculture. It is, by necessity, a somewhat tightlly knit group, bound together by the rejection of polite society. In every culture and subculture, there is an understood code of conduct, a decorum, which must be adhered to in order to maintain good standing within one’s circle…and smoking circles are no different. A smoking circle, also known as a “session”, a “rotation”, a “potluck”, a “cypher” and a “smokeout”, among countless regional variants, is the scene for a communal cannabis ingestion.
Ideally, it should involve a small group of friendly people gathering together with pooled materials and a common goal…blazing. Within this group, as long as the proper decorum is followed, there are good times to be had by all involved. However, it has become increasingly apparent to me that this ettiquette is either poorly understood, undefined, unheard of by many those it governs. Other than the titular rule, which even nonsmokers are familiar with, I see many cardinal rules of cypher conduct wontonly flouted on a daily basis. For that reason, I bring you “Puff, Puff, Give: a Field Guide to Smoker Decorum.”
I- Puff, Puff, Give
There’s a reason this one is first…it’s one of the most fundamental rules in all of smokerdom. It refers to the number of pulls permitted on a rolled smokable before one must pass the cannabis conduit to his right (or to his left on the other side of the equator). Failure to follow this rule is referred to as “Hoovering”, is regarded as an egregious faux pas, and can result in ejection from the circle or even permanent blackballing from all circles. An interesting note here is that the purchaser of the weed may take as many consecutive puffs as he desires if he also owns the medium used to ingest it, however, this clause is rarely invoked due to it being seen as anti-social and kind of a dick move.
II- Passing Motions
One of the most underfollowed rules of smokerdom involves the making of clear passing motions. You see, an inherent effect of heavy cannabis use like the kind common in smoking circles is temporarily decreased motor skills (or more likely, the temporarily decreased inclination to use them). This leads to, among other laziness, weak passing motions. These often go unnoticed by the recipient, and can leave a smokable in limbo between smokers for as long as 2 minutes, wasting valuable weed in the process. Therefore, all passing motions should be clear in intent to the point of being demonstrative if necessary, and also be accompanied by a verbal alert to minimize wasted smoke. Passes should go without incident, but in some areas, in the event one or the other drops the conduit, he forfeits one turn with it.
III- Smoke OR Talk
Never both. Narration and postulation while high are very involved processes which involve intense cerebration and mental resources as well as the use of one’s mouth. This, in most cases, leaves a smokable hanging in the balance, evaporating into thin air as the holder of it pontificates on something important, like the best flavor of Doritos. While it may be pertinent, someone else could be smoking while the speaker is speaking…so they should. Esteemed weed philosopher Smokey from Friday summed it up thusly: “Either be smoking, or be passing.”
IV- Ash before you Pass
Every smoker who has smoked over zero times has dropped ash on his or her clothing. We’ve all seen that long clump of what I imagine snow looks like in hell precariously dangling off the end of a lit item, waiting to fall on something. It somehow stains any color fabric, and can even contain embers that can burn cloth or skin. Ash is a natural byproduct of combustion, and smoking a blunt falls into that category…ash is there, and there’s nothing you can do about it…well, besides keep it in an ashtray. Ashtrays, properly used, minimize the risk of ash-related difficulties inherent to blazing…as such, they should be utilized at every available opportunity. A good way to remember this important step in the smoking process is to ash the smokable before you pass it to someone else.
V- Match Up
Whenever possible, one should bring a fair share of weed with them to any smokeout. This weed should be both of adequate amount and potency that no party involved should experience a decline in their quality of smoking based on the fact that they decided to invite someone else. It is understood in the smoker community that it may not always be attainable due to it’s murky legal status and wildly varying potency, however an effort should always be made to do so. If you absolutely cannot obtain any, but have the funds to do so if you could, a small donation to your friend is seen as classy.
VI- Bring Something
As said before, it’s not the end of the world if you can’t find anything to match up with. If it indeed becomes impossible to show up with your share of the good stuff, there are other materials required during the course of a session that you may be able to provide. Examples of these include dutches, papers, wraps (referred to collectively as “wrapping papers“), pipe screens for those who use bowls, bongs and the like, food for the munchies, cigarettes for those who use them to accentuate their high, or even just decent conversation. Showing up empty handed every time is a great way not to be invited to show up any more.
VII- Repay all Free Smokeouts
Commonly, smokers encounter situations when they do not have weed and a friend does. This may even go on for an extended period. In close company, this is usually seen as immaterial, but is always met with the expectation that the favor will be returned if the roles are reversed. It is seen as grave disrespect to smoke up a friend’s stash, yet be nowhere to be found when you get yours. It is the responsiblity of the repayer to notify the repayee of his ability to repay as his earliest convenience. Failure to follow this guideline will result in you burning bridges instead of bud. Seriously, don’t be that guy.
Well, that’s about all I got…hopefully, after reading this guide, the people that have use for this information will not only put it to good use, but spread it for the benefit of the cannabis subculture as a whole. Now, if you’ll excuse me…I’ve gotta go do some more research…for umf, I’m AJ. Thank you and good flight…
Thursday, August 25, 2011 · Kelsey Goldberg · 1 Comment
In Honor of Jack Layton- Top Ten Greatest Mustaches
Jack Layton (July 18, 1950 - August 22, 2011)
For those of you South of the Border (and I mean America not Mexico, because if your in Canada, which I am- America is South of the border…trippy I know) August 22, was probably just another day-and the news was filled with reports on Libya or more likely coverage of the 2012 presidential race (because. really whats another revolution in an Arab nation compared to the G.O.P’s inability to find a suitable candidate?) However, that is the day that Jack Layton, head of the NDP, lost his battle with cancer. I have spent the last 3 days trying to think of a suitable way to honor this man, and still maintain the humor of this blog. Thankfully George Strombolopolous, despite his impossible to spell name, and twitter saved me with the “Trustache” campaign.
George Rocks a Trustache
As Do I
For More information on George’s Trustache campaign click on George’s Picture!
And now in honor of Jack Layton- My List of Top Ten Greatest Mustaches!
Jack Layton, a true “man of the people”, lead the NDP for 8 years with unprecedented success! He was known for his integrity and optimism, and in his last few days of life, Canada and its citizens were still a top priority. He wrote a beautiful letter to Canadians as his final goodbye. He will be missed, but he and his glorious mustache will be immortalized! Thank you Jack.
TWO- THE MAGNUM
Tom Selleck’s mustache first shot to fame in Magnum P.I. and the world was never the same. The Magnum made way for all other mustaches, no longer were they just for dandies, hippies, and angry army generals, now they were SEXY! Thank you Tom, for a world without The Magnum is one I simply don’t wish to imagine.
Aptly named for it’s originator, Pubert Adams, this is a favorite of hipsters everywhere. But Pubert Adams rocked it from the womb-before it was cool. The thin clean line of this stache, embodies the eternal struggle of the hipster male: How do you combine, prepubescent clothing, a false sense of being “the new man”, and utter arrogance with your facial hair? Pubert Adams has given us the answer-and for that we thank him (with a toast of our luke-warm PBR of course).
FOUR- THE FRANCO HATER
Speaking of Hipsters, another one of their icons, Salvador Dali, also had an epic stache. *NOTE* It came down between Salvador Dali and Che Guevara, but seeing has how you are probably wearing Che’s face on a t-shirt, I thought I’d go with Dali. Nothing says “I’m going to push the boundaries of accepted art, sexual practices, and celebrity” more than THE FRANCO HATER. He proved to be literally too cool for spain (I’m pretty sure that is the exact wording Franco used) and he rose to meteoric fame as one of the leaders of The Surrealist Art movement. Though he is best known as that guy who made the painting of clocks that you hung up in your dorm room to help you seduce art majors. Whenever I throw cats up in the air, I think of THE FRANCO HATER.
The Mario Bros that is! Mario and Luigi have been rocking their epic testament to sibling stachery since 1983. Anyone who rocks the Brostache gets an immediate 1-up. With this stache and a like-stached wingman you’ll be batting away women like they are koopas. On a serious note though folks, this stache has become a symbol of the Italian-Bros-Against-Jersey-Shore (IBAJS) movement. So rock your stache with pride…just don’t fist bump while wearing one.
This mustache comes Jesus Approved-or at least I can only assume that everyone’s famous pious neighbour got a little help from the man upstairs in growing this holiest of staches.
Holy Moustache Batman! This moustache has the power to fight evil, and if you hold up a flashlight to it, it sends out the bat signal!
EIGHT-MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
He had a dream and a glorious moustache to boot!
Freak Out! The moustache, the square soul patch-do I love this look? I yappa zappa do!
Ambrose Everett Burnside
I think this stache speaks for itself, and frankly if American politicians today had the cojones to rock this everyday, I’m pretty sure health care, our economy, and our multiple international “scuffles” would all be solved!