Hype is usually a bad thing. It creates expectations so high that we, the audience end up disappointed. Most recently, LeBron James or as the media dubbed him, “King James” has had a disappointing career based on the hype he entered the league with. We figured he’d have at least one championship ring especially after teaming up with Dwyane Wade.
This is where “Watch The Throne” differs. Jay-Z and Kanye West have at least four classic solo albums under their belts combined. Therefore, they have no pressure to succeed but they do have the pressure to live up to their own standards while reminding everyone that they still have that amazing chemistry that began back on “The Dynasty.” (I personally believe that Jay-Z would like everyone to forget the catastrophe that was “The Best of Both Worlds” albums with R. Kelly.)
Both Kanye and Jay have also become icons beyond the world of hip-hop. This is the main reason why the hype machine continues to grow. Songs appear to be leaking by the day, a tour has been announced and with only about two weeks and counting before the album officially drops, the musical world is watching.
Fans can already pre-order the deluxe edition of the album at the iTunes store and receive “Otis,” the lead song on the album. For fans that want to experience more, you’ll be happy to know that on July 28th you can visit http://promo.livenation.com/watchthethrone/ to get both tickets to the tour and a copy of the album.
Will the album live up to the hype? Stay tuned and keep your eyes glued to the throne.
Someone needs to explain this to me. I am utterly baffled as to why ad. execs thought that this is what the world needed.
To start with, walking into my joe-job to see a full page advertisement (that’s right it was so shocking that I need to distance myself from the situation by using the proper term as opposed to the slang, it made me that uncomfortable) with Fabio’s face on it is just confusing. Was it suddenly the 80s? Did I walk through a worm whole on my way to work? Was the T.A.R.D.I.S. parked in the elevator, and I just didn’t realize it? Or maybe that car that zoomed passed me callously almost killing me was actually the Delorean and I just got bumped back a few decades? But no it was 2011. So not only was I subjected to Fabio staring up at me but now I had to deal with the true and legitimate disappointment that comes when you realize that despite logic you have in fact, not travelled back in time.
No Kelsey, you don't get to travel all of Time and Space with me. You get to stay in an office and stare at Fabio!
So there I am in the most profound WTF!? moment of my life (well my week, okay, just my day but STILL) wondering why Fabio, FABIO, FABI-FUCKING-O is being used to sell products! I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DID IT IN THE 80S BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHY THEY DID ANYTHING IN THE 80S WE KINDA JUST ACCEPT THAT IT HAPPENED! (In case readers were wondering my age you now know that I am young enough to have zero nostalgia attached to the decade where madonna had pylon breasts and there was a Bush who knew that you need to chew before you swallow as president). Back to Fabio trying to sell people shit-Why? He looks like Cronus! Thats a greek God who ate his own babies- but here by this novel he’ll rip off your bodice then eat your spawn!
Ladies Look At Your Man. Now Look At Me. Now Back To Your Man. Now Back To Me. I'm Eating Your Child.
Clearly his appeal to women baffles me. I mean I like a strong man, but I prefer one who couldn’t ground my bones into dust, probably by accident. One second there’s a fly on my shoulder, the next I’ve been reduced to millions of tiny particles (and those particles are pissed because they used to be a person till Fabio had to try and save me from that damn fly). But here’s the kicker- they aren’t trying to sell my gender anything, they are trying to use Fabio, a man known for muscles, long sensuous flowing locks of hair, and once head-butting a bird on a roller coaster, to try and sell men things!
Now I’m assuming that the big-wigs at Old Spice are being funny, satirical even, taking a man who represents a sort-of male ideal (again he looks like he eats babies but whatever!) as the follow up to the “I’m on a horse guy” (who I imagine is quite pissed about this new campaign strategy) and they are trying to sell deodorant by saying that if you smell like this guy girls will like you, because clearly if you rub old spice all-over your sweaty pits you will instantly grow Repunzel hair and Schwarzenegger muscles and suddenly a baby will appear in your arms. The same way I get transformed into Kate Moss when I use the correct mascara. This all leads me to my original why. WHY do the Old Spice people think girls desire the love child of Barbie and The Hulk!
If they were talking about THIS Hulk, then yeah I would get it!
All this said, I am keenly aware that their marketing strategy is working, because this blog post is essentially free advertising for them (you’re welcome Old Spice!). Also, I personally do use Old Spice deodorant. *TANGENT ALERT* Why do I wear men’s deodorant? Well girls deodorants tend to be scented- I want to smell like my perfume, or my shampoo, and don’t really want another scent competing with it. Also Men’s deodorants are designed with the idea that men sweat, while women’s deodorants seem to be designed with the idea that I’ll buy your product if you put it in a pretty plastic container (that only works on lipsticks). Also when I sweat, I mean glisten (you know because girls don’t sweat), I am going to go from smelling like baby powder to smelling like moist baby powder- which might confuse Fabio to the point where he eats me instead of an infant!
That's Not a Baby! That's a Woman in Baby-Powder Scented Deodorant! CURSES!!!
Any way to surmise:
1.) This AD confuses me enough to write a blog post about it- that sorta turned into another AD.
2.) You should all go buy Old Spice Deodorant. (Now its definitely an AD)
3.) The fact that I wrote this at all, means the fat-cats at Old Spice knew what they were doing
4.) Old Spice should probably pay me for this post/toss a few free products my way! Mainly because I like money and free things!
Also in case you thought me comparing Fabio to a Greek God- Here’s him holding a baby lamb. You know like the Greeks used to sacrifice to the Greek Gods (totally Divinci Coded this ad compaign-take that Tom Hanks!)
When Nas said hip-hop was dead many people in the hip-hop community overreacted, a lot of new comers were offended and some old school heads agreed with Mr. Jones. As controversial as that statement and album title was, it made many enthusiasts of the culture debate, analyze and theorize why hip-hop was in a state of doom.
Songs like Common’s “I Used to Love H.E.R” reverberate how I often feel about the music today. Sometimes I think I’ve outgrown the music but new artists like J. Cole give me hope that there is still some pride left in today’s artists. Still, I constantly feel like an old man when listening not only to the mediocre lyrics that get passed off as witty or deep but the uninspired musical backdrop of many songs.
When I see the younger generation enjoying this new era of rap music I question whether they’ll still enjoy this music years from now. Will they still get that feeling of hope that I get when I hear “Juicy” or “If I Ruled the World”? Will they feel that connection with the artist when I hear “C.R.E.A.M“, “Renee” or “T.R.O.Y“?
That feeling, what exactly is that feeling? And why can’t many songs today give me that same sensation? Bob Segar has the answer. With his classic hit, “Old Time Rock N’ Roll” he captured the sentiments I have towards today’s rap scene. When he shouts “today’s music ain’t got the same soul,” I can’t help but think that that’s the problem with hip-hop today. There’s no soul in it.
Only a handful of artists give me the impression that they choose to rap because they love the art form. It’s evident when you see an artist like Kanye West throw a fit when losing out at an award show that one notices how much of himself he puts into his music. Instead of the being the norm he’s become the exception nowadays.
Sure, it can be argued that these kids are having fun with the music and all music shouldn’t be taken too serious. True, that’s why we had people like Biz Markie, Redman and Humpty Hump who had fun with it. Maybe I’m old or maybe I’m an old soul. All I know is that I miss the good old days like Joe Budden does. Back when we had soul.
Like many entries, this begins with what I discuss with friends; and it’s a conversation we all have. As we know, we certainly make better decisions than the general manager of our respective teams. They don’t know what they are doing, and the right move is just too obvious. Little is more universal among fans than the unappreciated expertise to run a franchise worth hundreds of millions of dollars that I think it’s necessary to devote a blog entry – nay, a blog series – to this tradition of the sports fan. So, here we have it: the first of a multi-part series titled (for now) Three Right Moves, where we’ll look at three decisions that a specific team should make. And given that two people actually commented on the NBA Lockout blog entry (thank you, gentlemen) this one will be on an NBA team, even though we probably won’t have a season next year. So our first team is … the Miami Heat.
(I know, you thought I was going to say the Celtics)
Let’s put aside all the ridiculous fanfare that occurred prior to the NBA season. Criticize it all you want, but it was the best thing for the NBA. Whether hating or loving a team, the league benefits from fans caring about how a team performs, and we all wanted the Heat to perform poorly.
The Heat had a great season by most standards. They made it to the NBA finals and were a couple plays here and there from sweeping the Mavs, but their season was championship or bust. Plus, we forget that the Heat just annihilated the field in the first three rounds. But there are some moves that the Heat should make.
(There is a huge sidebar here that is too important to be put to the side: this could all change with a new CBA. But I’m going to assume that the cap will be harder, but current contracts will be kept intact. Again, this could all change, but the needs and general moves would be the same.)
Move #1: Cut down LeBron’s minutes.
LeBron clearly froze in the finals, and I blame most of that on the mental game. LeBron has always been the man, he only lost two games in his entire high school career, and his senior year of high school had games aired on ESPN. He isn’t cutthroat, and he doesn’t handle pressure well. But some of his lousy final’s performance should be attributed to him playing so many minutes. He played the most minutes in the playoffs of any player (43.9/game) and sixth most during the regular season (38.8). You got to cut those minutes back. Even LeBron, who is unbelievably fit and never seems to be injured, needs to be sat for a few more minutes per game. I’m guessing he felt his legs — go just a little, lost his confidence – just a little – because he didn’t have that last gear to dig into, and it spiraled down from there.
Move #2: Get a three point shooter.
Now, I watched the Celtics – Heat series. Angrily. Because the Heat, specifically LeBron, took some of the worst shots but just couldn’t miss. You’d go into a possession and feel like the Celtics played it well, like they forced the Heat to take shots under pressure or from bad points on the court. They just couldn’t miss.
But that hot streak left them in the finals. The Heat really need someone who they can run set plays for to get an open three point shot. I think they wanted Mike Miller to be that guy. If he stays healthy, maybe he could be that guy. But the Heat would be OK to invest in a shooting specialist. LeBron and Wade are incredible perimeter defenders, so they’d be safe having someone who may be a bit of a defensive liability. They need a perimeter scorer
Move #3: Shake up the line-up.
I think my first two moves were pretty obvious and not that radical. But the biggest change the Heat need to make is in their line-up. Immediately after the finals, the biggest skill criticism of LeBron was his lack of a post game. He needed to be able to slide into the role of a 4 more often. But really, they have to go the other way: move LeBron to the point guard position.
Hear me out; I have five reasons:
While LeBron is one of the league’s elite scorers, he is on one of the few teams that he doesn’t need to be the scorer. He ranked 2nd in the NBA (26.7 ppg) and Wade ranked 4th (25.5 ppg). And they score the same way, both take guys on and drive to the basket. If you redefine Lebron’s role, Wade can really dominate as that slasher on the court.
LeBron is an elite passer, why not make that his job. He’s averaged 7 apg over his career and most of that was with a terrible supporting cast. As a point guard, he would be capable of handing out double digit dimes a game.
The point guard position isn’t just about passing. Point guards are responsible for driving to score or kick it out to an open player. Completely fits his skill set.
He’d be a mismatch against any other point guard. At 6’9, he would be able to dominate any other point guard and take him to the basekt, which would completely disrupt an opponent’s defense.
Both LeBron and Wade could be the man. Right now, they are competing for that title. That’s mostly because they play the same position and do the same things well. As the table setter, Lebron could run the offense and be a premier point guard, especially compared to the other 1’s in the league. Wade could be the scorer and do what he does best. Bosh could come along for the ride, score 20 a game.
So you’re lineup would have LeBron playing the point, get that knock down shooter as the 2 guard, Wade playing as a hybrid 2-3 scorer and driving to the basket, Bosh will score twenty a game as your 4 and Haslem would play the defense first center. I think, essentially, you’d be trading a stat line of 27-7-7 for 20-7-11; you’d give both LeBron and Wade the chance to be alpha-dogs at their positions; and the team would become a more cohesive unit, with more defined roles. Plus, in crunch time, LeBron already likes to pass the ball. Wade is the killer on that team, and there shouldn’t be a question as to who is the scorer in the last 12 seconds of a game. There wouldn’t be nearly as many questions on their offense, which is probably why they would always run down the shot clock every night. As a Boston fan, I’m hoping they try to make it work where LeBron and Wade play the same position and they go with the point guard combination of Chalmers and Bibby. But the ceiling on shifting LeBron to the 1 is scary, and hopefully it won’t happen.
The chick flick, you will get dragged to one, and you will be expected to like it, so how do you survive it? Well as a woman who HATES, HATES, HATES most chick flicks but is not strong enough to endure the shunning that accompanies the comment “not The Notebook, that movie is AWFUL” I have learned how to survive this dreaded social custom, and I will let you in on my secrets.
STEP ONE: AVOIDANCE
There are some movies that many people perceive to be “chick flicks” but actually aren’t, or if they are they are actually quite good. For example, most romantic comedies made during the 1940s-60s are quite funny. Here are my three top “lets watch this instead” movies, and why I love them.
1. CASABLANCA
This is my all-time favorite movie of all time. When I get married/common-lawed/knocked-up “As Time Goes By” will be the song that my hubby/legally recognized roomie/baby daddy and I will dance to. Why the movie is great? Its a timeless romance film that is actually a war story. In fact there are 30 minutes of guns, gambling, and war-speak before Ingrid Bergman ever gets on screen. Also for the guy you get to stare at Ingrid Bergman who is just gorgeous, and women we get to stare at Humphrey Bogart. Also whether or not you have seen the movie before you can probably quote most of it-which will make you seem super cultured. “This is the start of a beautiful friendship.” “Round up the usual suspects.” “We will always have Paris” “You will regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday and for the rest of your life” “of all the gin joints in all the world, she had to walk into mine” How can you not love this shit?
2. ANNIE HALL
Or really any 70s era Woody Allen film. Why? They are funny. Outright funny. Thats sorta all I have to say, but if she needs convincing (if she does I have to ask, who is this woman and is she worth it? I mean really!) just point out that Annie Hall was a fashion ICON. It’s like watching the Devil Wears Prada (which is actually a really enjoyable movie, though I would never ask a boy to agree with me on that) without having to sit through The Devil Wears Prada. Also what is funnier than watching a lobster take its revenge on amateur cooks?
3. 500 DAYS OF SUMMER
This movie is just *sigh**swoon* so…*sigh**swoon* good! I really shouldn’t have to convince you to sit through it because I have yet to meet a guy who doesn’t like this movie, I have also yet to meet a girl who doesn’t like this movie, so really you should have been able to think of this on your own.
STEP TWO: THE COMIC BEST FRIEND
Funny
If avoidance doesn’t work, like if the movie she wants to see is playing in theatres and you can’t think of a suitable alternative to entice her with, you can at least rely on the fact that these sorts of movies are formulaic which means they all have one saving grace: The Comic Best Friend. Usually the scenes that involve this character if not outright funny, are legitimately enjoyable. So enjoy the scenes that involve this angel of cinematic mercy. Then when you have to sit through all the poorly-written sappy crap you can just think back to a few minutes ago. Example. The main couple are arguing and its supposed to be funny because he’s the stereotype of the “clueless man” and she’s the stereotype of the “crazy-over emotional woman” but its really just insulting to both genders. Instead of watching that just remember the last scene. The thought process will probably go like this: “UGH! Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson are back on screen, but boy wasn’t John Krasinski funny, he is really talented, remember that episode of the office when…oh look he’s back on screen I will now watch the movie again.” TADAA your sanity is saved!
Not Funny
STEP THREE: THE ONLY THING MORE ROMANTIC THAN THAT MOVIE IS THIS SENTENCE
That's Me Falling Head over Heels, Bc You Said This!
Imdb.com and rottentomatoes.com will be your best friends. Why you ask. Plot synopsis my friends plot synopsis. You can find the flaw before you see the movie, and then you can use it as an excuse. But be careful this step is only for the smoothest of operators, because you don’t want to accidentally insult her taste. That will not only end in you having to sit through said movie, but you’d also probably have to spend the next 2-3 days doing things to make it up to her. But if you can pull it off, you will be a GOD. I will use the new Kate Hudson film “Something Borrowed” as an example. I know this works because when I used this line my friend who “really wanted to see it” now refuses to. The synopsis reads as such:
Friendships are tested and secrets come to the surface when terminally single Rachel falls for Dex, her best friend Darcy’s fiancé.
Why won’t I go see it-for the same reason I won’t sit through the goddamn Notebook (I really HATE that fucking film). ahem “I don’t like movies that romanticize cheating. It’s never okay, and I don’t want to sit through a 90 minute justification of something that would kill me if someone ever did it to me.” This will work. It makes you much more romantic than the movie, and you will now get to choose the film.
*SIDEBAR* I once had a very smug co-worker think she had trumped me during one of my rants about the Notebook when she said “but doesn’t Casablanca romanticize cheating?” Which if you are on a date with this girl, and used Step 1 of my survival guide might be a question you have to respond to. The answer is “No. Because Ilsa thought her husband was dead, when she found out he was alive she left Rick to return to him, and when in a moment of weakness she returns to Rick he does the right thing and puts her back on the plane. So no it does not.”
That's Me Kicking My Smug Co-Workers Ass With Logic and Truth
Move over Andy Warhol. Meet Joshua Williams – a NYC based pop artist creating blazing images of the world’s biggest hip-hop stars and names in entertainment. I had the opportunity to visit one of his show’s in the Lower East Side earlier in the year and was very impressed to say the least.
Highlights from the show can be seen here:
To see more from Josh and to keep on top of his latest work, visit: Technodrome1.tumblr.com
You’re thinking the same thing as me after that commercial, right? Who cares about the aspirin, lets see that hand held X-Ray machine at work. That doctor holds up what looks like a clear ipad to the patient’s shoulder, and seems to get a clear image of the healing power of Bayer aspirin. But why are they advertising aspirin when they could be making far more money on those X-Ray Pads (copyright on the product name pending). Sell them to hospitals for quick, easy check ups, to coachs to see instant results of player injuries, and pervy high schoolers to look into girls’ locker rooms. It’s a win – win – win, and Bayer would make a lot more money than if they just sold aspirin. I know you are as shocked as me when you see this technology wasted in the background of a thirty second commercial. Once the Bayer X-Ray Pad is available – probably in a sharper image or skymall — I’m there.
In How I Met Your Mother, Ted is arguing with Lilly about whether he should pursue Robin. (I know, I’m on the first season, still). Lilly says that it’s a mistake, and Ted responds, saying that sometimes you need to make a mistake, even when you know it’s a mistake. And isn’t this true? You know that guy is just going to break your heart, but you go out with him anyway; you know that you shouldn’t have the second plate of wings, but they’re just so tasty; and you know that you shouldn’t sign a player whose production during the last year of a contract is far superior than his career averages, but we have to look like we’re doing something to make our team better.
Wait.
That last clause can’t be right. I mean, in a relationship you’re guided by desire, heart and libido. While eating wings, you’re guided by your taste buds, which will let you down any chance they get. But a professional sports team? Worth millions and millions of dollars? They wouldn’t be so foolish as to be duped into signing someone based on one year of production and ignore a long career and statistical sample size. Yet, that’s exactly what so many of them do. The player who is setting up the opportunity for himself this year: Jose Reyes.
Reyes has had an excellent career: a plus hitter and great base stealing speed but an average (at best) defender at the short stop position. I’m not saying that he shouldn’t get a good contract. But he should get one that’s based on his career production, not based on one year of eight with the hope that he keeps up that intensity and production. I’m scared of players who play that much better when a contract is on the line. It shows their motivation, and I don’t want to give a long contract to someone who seems to be most motivated when their next pay day is on the line.
Despite this, he’ll be paid over a hundred million dollars and given six years. Teams are too afraid to lose fans because of apparent inaction; they panic and force their own hand, and then they hand out crippling contracts. The Red Sox did it two years ago with Lackey and this year with Crawford. The big problem is that there will consistently be teams that, like the Red Sox, will overpay for players and set the market high – it’s bad for baseball, and this is coming from a Red Sox fan. Continue Reading »
You know how your parents will sometimes call you whenever a bad news story involves anyone with any similarity to you whatsoever? It’s because they saw the pain that another family felt through the loss of a loved one, were reminded how much they appreciate you, thought about something similar happening to their baby and had to give you a shout, just to be sure you knew you were loved, right?
Well there’s a very special…member…of my own family that I feel compelled to recognize based on recent news events. He’s been with me my whole life and never left my side (well, I guess front, technically). He rises with me to greet every morning and is an incomparable tool for me throughout the course of a day, has been a crucial part of my romantic relationships…I even sometimes fall asleep at night with my hand on his head to show him how much I care. The men in the room know exactly who I’m talking about, for we all have similar sidekicks to go through life with us.
Well…most of us, actually. You see, every so often some crazy bitch gets it in her head that the way to happiness in her relationship is to remove her husband’s. Of course, the first known woman to give her husband the shaft (or take it away, in these cases) in this way was that golden calf of unstable females everywhere, Lorena Bobbit. Unscheduled reproductive surgeries (or URS) have fallen to the wayside somewhat in recent years, until earlier this week when a woman by the name of Catherine Becker decided she had had enough of her husband, drugging the man, tying him to a bed, and taking off his…Becker…before dropping it in a garbage disposal and making ground beef.
I saw this vile act and decided “enough”. Too long have women held the threat of a knifing over our heads. This kind of action is inexcusable, and it’s time we let the ladies know about it. If I have my way, this is the last straw (removed from its drink). We can stamp out URS in our lifetime…and all it will take is a little solidarity…and maybe a Facebook fanpage or something. I’ll get on that later…for now, a little love for a muscle that should know plenty about it.
I am a man, and I have a friend
a wonder whose uses do not know an end
it’s the cock of the walk, the ultimate good!
before there was planking, there was always wood!
it’s better than duct tape, or being online
Google can’t help you pee and run at the same time
Some call him Richard, others like Johnson
some have cute pet names, I just call mine “awesome”
the best in the world? That’s up for debate
but it’s better than nothing, cuz having one’s great!
It’s good with the ladies and drains all my fluids
anywhere, anytime! (I don’t know how girls do it!)
it’s utility endless, the best kind of device!
hasn’t changed in eons, first time, got it right!
Since the dawn of time, men have come a long way
from living in caves to our present day
We’ve invented iPods and jet-fueled airplanes
soap and indoor plumbing, control over flames
Slingbox and Roku and Playstation 3
but no invention yet has surpassed it for me
If I was without it, I think I’d just quit
screwdrivers and wrenches have nothing on it
better than smartphones, the original tool!
and taking it off is just never cool
That’s never the answer, no ifs, ands, or buts
and forcing us to live without it, just nuts!
Men, pick your love slowly, with great tact and care
or you too could look like a Ken doll down there
before you choose yourself a partner, recall
you could be at bat…then just left with balls.
Now it can’t be said, you’ll never report
I’m ungrateful for the gift that I have in my shorts
